| Sex |
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What's so bad about masturbation? |
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| A. |
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Common belief: if you masturbate you will
get sick,
go crazy,
lost interest in sex with someone else,
get addicted,
act perverted,
or become lonely and desperate. |
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Not true, any of it! Some uptight people have made a big deal out of masturbation. But when you think about it, what's so scary or dangerous about touching your own body? There are no negative side effects to masturbation except, of course, guilt. If you believe you're doing something wrong. Although masturbation has gotten a bad rep, it's actually a good way to know you body and how it responds. In fact, at least as you're first exploring your sensual self, it may be better to touch yourself, than have someone else touch you. Why? |
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No risk of contracting a disease such as HIV or other sexually transmitted infections. |
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No chance of getting pregnant. |
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It's a good way to learn what is pleasurable and to explore how to have orgasms. |
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It's under your control; you can decide how far to go. |
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No one will be spreading embarrassing rumors the next day at school, because nobody else will know. |
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Besides, think about this: why is it OK for somebody else to touch (or the extreme, abuse) your body, but taboo for you to touch yourself, even in a pleasurable way? |
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| Q. |
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What is sex? |
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| A. |
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Sex is: |
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Supposed to make you feel good. |
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An intimate and private act. |
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Something to wait until the right time for. |
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Mutually pleasurable. |
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Sex isn't: |
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A game where whoever scores the most wins. |
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Just about orgasms. |
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Always a sign that he loves you. |
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Something that you owe to somebody else. |
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Something that somebody makes you do. |
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A reward for dinner or a gift. |
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Not having sex means different things to different people. For some it means not having sexual intercourse (when a male puts his penis in a vagina), while for others it means not going further than kissing and touching. You must define for yourself what it means and stick with whatever feels comfortable to you. Sex without vaginal, anal, or oral penetration is 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. |
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Sex is an act that requires responsibility and maturity. While some young women think they can handle it, others decide it's best to hold off until the right time. It's up to you to think critically about what you really want and how you feel, and to be brutally honest yourself before making the difficult choice to 'do it' or not to 'do it'. |
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| Q. |
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I do like petting with my boyfriend, but I feel that there is a limit to how close we should get. How do I convey the message to 'stop' when he becomes too physical to my comfort? |
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Be direct and say exactly what you mean. ('I don't like it when you put your hand there.') Use a serious, confident tone of voice. 'I mean it' if he doesn't stop, leave the room or the scene altogether. Practice what you many need to say beforehand until you get it. Some young women have a hard time not being 'nice', but sometimes being nice means sacrificing your own feelings and doing things you don't really want to do. The best way to respect yourself is to respect your feelings. |
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My partner has been asking me to have sex. He / she said that if I really love him / her, I should do it to further our relationship. I love him / her a lot and don't wish to loss him / her. What should I do? |
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People sometimes confuse sex with affection and hope that agreeing to sex will lead to more commitment from their partner, or will make them more loved. Unfortunately, sex and love don't always go hand-in-hand. It's difficult to know when the time is right to start having sex in a relationship. The best advice is 'if in doubt, wait'. You should be able to discuss issues such as pregnancy, contraception and sexual-transmitted diseases with each other. Above all, you should respect and like each other. You might be afraid of being called a tease or might simply reluctant to hurt the boy's feeling. But you need to know how to say no. Say something as soon as you feel uncomfortable, whether it's because of an arm round your shoulder or a hand up your skirt. You don't have to be rude. A simple statement such as 'Don't do that' or 'I'd like you to stop now' should make it clear. If that doesn't work, say 'No! Stop!' more loudly. Scream if you have to. It's all right to change your mind at any point. Many people get carried away and realize only at the last minute that they don't want sex. Your partner might be aroused and feel frustrated, but it won't do him any harm. Your won needs and safety come first. |
